How do you handle when a ‘door’ closes? Do you look for a window to open? Do you accept your ‘fate’ or do you find the silver lining amongst the clouds? These are questions I’ve been asking myself since my mother passed away in October 2014. Many doors have shut for me but a huge window has opened. So I’m Moving . . . again!
I’ve been on my own for nearly a year and a half – the solitude has been blissful – but I’ve cut myself off from the rest of the world, save for the internet. Saturday morning I received a call from “V”, my grandson’s mother, who quite frankly told me it’s time to come home. (Home being Sacramento. I live 40 minutes away in Placerville.) We talked for nearly an hour and basically she told me that I could come live with them – my grandson, his mom and stepdad, and two little sisters.
Eeek! To go from living alone in a huge house to living in a full house with 5 other people?!? Surprisingly, it didn’t take me long to accept her offer. Of course, she holds the ‘trump card’, my grandson.
I did think about this long and hard for a day, weighed the pros and cons and the pros simply outweighed the cons. Emotionally, physically and financially, this move is a step in the right direction, albeit a new one. I’ve had my time to grieve the loss of my husband, my brother and my mother. While I’ll never totally be over the loss, I just have to get back to Life and living.
Yesterday I picked my grandson up (when he gave me these beautiful peach roses), surveyed his room and the garage, looked V and her hubs straight in the eye and said, “Are you SURE?” They were/are. But what about Santino? Does he really want his gramma living with him? He’s often asked to live with me thru the years and I’ve always told him ‘Gramma wouldn’t be as much fun’ because I’d make him do chores and homework.
When we made it back to my house I told him there were a few surprised. 1) the downstairs has been rented to a sweet little family so all of my junk, er, stuff is boxed up and in the garage. But the big surprise came when I asked him if he’d like Gramma to come stay for an extended period. I think you can guess his answer.
It was the only time in 8 years I’ve seen him cry . . . only with tears of happiness.
Oh, I have my reservations. Believe me. I’m used to complete solitude. His sisters are 5 and 3-1/2. I’m used to being surrounded by country. They live in a suburb. I’m used to getting up at all times of the night. They . . . oh, I can still do that. In fact, most of what I do, I can still do since two of the three are in school.
Of course the main two positives are being supported financially and having actual human beings around, not just Sadie, my boston terrier. I have struggled financially since Mom passed. I was unable to work much at all for nearly 9 months. Also, I shifted my business focus to more art, less DIY blogging, which has had a large financial effect. But that’s turning around now. Finally. Perhaps my insomnia will pass without the stress of financial woes.
We’re having fun talking about the future together on his visit. Gramma will eventually get her own place but close to his house. I’ll be able to see ALL of his football games, not just one. And so on, and so on. Of course, he has no clue how I’ll be around, like, ALL of the time which means it won’t be fun and games 24/7. Plus there are some boundaries I simply have to keep in mind.
- I’m not a live-in babysitter. I need to work 8-10 hrs a day.
- I’m used to being by myself so I might take a whole lotta walks.
- Sadie comes with and she’s 13 years old and doesn’t like to be petted.
Of course there will be a transition period, as with any other move. I just need to remind myself of these lines because saying ‘no’ does not come easily to me.
Wish me luck. Better yet, pray for me. Or send positive thoughts. After writing my Gratitude Journal, I’m off to start packing and figuring out what few belongings I need for work and living. The rest goes into storage. Again. *sigh*